Wasting Away??

Doggone... sometimes I feel I must be getting close to death. First, I hurt all the time... I mean really hurt. Pain in the back, bad, and now the old feet hurt most of the time, there is pain in the hip, even my left breast hurts some of the time; it's like the whole damned left side hates me. And I’m not much good with pain, although I am sure getting a lot better than I used to be... gotta keep moving.

Next: time seems to have speeded up so much that I feel like this should still be around February (pronounced Feb-RUE-ary people!) or March and Spring in full bloom (well, this is California, after all). Amazing that I manage to get my rent and all the other bills paid, as I’m not too good at looking at the day or date, and often must be reminded it is time for same.

Then there’s the horrible fact of life that most of my friends have given up the ghost and left me standing (I know... more like sitting) here all alone and lonely. Or have gone back to live with children all those long, long miles away back East. What are they thinking?  How can they bear to go back to the heat and cold and floods and hurricanes and tornadoes and blizzards... yahhhhhhh! Not for me, if I must live and die alone out here, at least I shall be comfortable.

Last, I am falling again into a sort of lonely depression -- with me in various forms ever since my darling K deserted me, when I asked for so little. A desertion after 10 years, made even worse by the fact that he promised never to do that, but did, saying that he had made promises and had to keep them. So much for ‘what kind of promise... are there good and bad promises?’. Guess so.

With K's desertion and the death of my dear, sweet, kind Al, I have no one left even to write to, so the days lie forgotten as they fly by in the terrible wind now, and I seem merely to waste away... soon to be swept up with the days, the leaves and all the rest of the blowing about trash.......    fade to pale blue