New Day, New Year, New Life?

Funny, I felt that when Obama walked into the White House, it would be the real beginning of the new century, and a wonderful change for our country, not thinking about any new anything for me. Yesterday, however, I came to the realization that March day was the beginning of a new life for me. I have been foolishly going along in my life for the last seven years, thinking I had found a new life, but that seems to have ended yesterday. Now I'm alone, on my own and I had certainly better realize it and shape up to it. I have foolishly lived on wishes, wants and dreams, hopes and promises, but they disappeared in one tiny note yesterday, but not the Beatles yesterday. I shall not ever depend on anyone else again. I think I have learned my lesson.

Unfortunately, learning seems to have made me not only quite ill, but also vaguely agaraphobic. I do not want to leave my apartment, nor do I want to do all of the things I 'should be' doing. I'm a writer, but I don't want to write; I'm a knitter but I don't want to knit; I'm a crocheter with a huge unfinished afghan, but I don't want to crochet; I don't feel like eating; I can't seem to sleep; the sun was shining all day, but I sat here staring at my computer; I can't even google any of the things I usually want to know about. Forget the 'should do'....I can't even get to the 'must do.' Is this then a return to depressioor simply me acting like a silly teenager. I may never know.

In the meantime, I shall attempt a poem to cover the moment, and just quit.......

HOW CAN I HURT YOU, LET ME COUNT THE WAYS...

The promises swirl around my head,
The memories so strong in my mind,
The big, beautiful voice saying “I love you...”

The sweet, long, loving daily letters,
The sincerity of each precious word,
The adoring signature saying, “I love you...”

The coming together in delighted love,
The words that followed so excitedly,
The now new signature saying, “I adore you...”

The disappearance from my world,
The subtle change, less wording weekly,
“Hi’ not “Dear” -- “Bye” not “I love you...”

The short unhappy note and then gone,
The final nothing, “I’d better get to work...”
Oddly enough, a signature saying, “I love you...”

Now isn’t that just the joke of the century?